Monday, February 06, 2006
...And After Three Days, They All Start To Smell
The Question arises many times, what to do with unwanted guests
Dearest Doctor Seagull,
When beings come to visit us, they do not seem to want to leave. My son had a friend who came to visit & stayed for three months. I have a relative who came to visit nearly three years ago, & is still around more than not, & a little stray dog who has been here for nearly four years. My daughter's friends are here most every week-end & every school vacation. These beings sometimes appear to be more comfortable in my home than I am. To date, even my worst of moods has not run them off.
Any suggestions?
In urgent hopes,
Crowded in Crested Butte
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Crowded,
Perhaps The Doctor is not the best person to query about this particular problem seeing as how The Doctor let one woman do His laundry ten years ago and now has 20 wives. However, a few simple suggestions come to mind...
1. Wear no clothing and paint your body with colorful water-based paint so that you look like the craziest of crazy persons. While in this state go around the house yelling, "EVERYBODY LIMBO!!" at the top of your lungs.
2. Buy a 12-gauge shotgun and empty rounds into the floor while jacking new cartridges into the chamber... remark upon the "neat noise" to you guests.
3. Place Measles Quarantine labels upon all the doors of your house. When questioned about them, deny that you have measles in your house. Deny it vociferously as if you were trying to hide something. Watch the fun!
4. Put Rohypnol (date rape drug) into the cola which you serve your guests. Once they are incapacitated and unconscious, dis-robe them and place their bodies in interesting poses and photograph them. When you guests recover consciousness, show them photos and black-mail them to stay away.
5.... and the last but certainly not least... Whenever one of your unwanted guests comes over be really friendly to them and mention that you do not get enough visitors ever since you were found to be H.I.V. positive... beg them to stay.
Good Luck,
Sincerely,
Doctor (whynotbuyaskunkforapet?) Seagull
To send a letter to The Doctor, come to www.radioparadise.com
Dearest Doctor Seagull,
When beings come to visit us, they do not seem to want to leave. My son had a friend who came to visit & stayed for three months. I have a relative who came to visit nearly three years ago, & is still around more than not, & a little stray dog who has been here for nearly four years. My daughter's friends are here most every week-end & every school vacation. These beings sometimes appear to be more comfortable in my home than I am. To date, even my worst of moods has not run them off.
Any suggestions?
In urgent hopes,
Crowded in Crested Butte
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Crowded,
Perhaps The Doctor is not the best person to query about this particular problem seeing as how The Doctor let one woman do His laundry ten years ago and now has 20 wives. However, a few simple suggestions come to mind...
1. Wear no clothing and paint your body with colorful water-based paint so that you look like the craziest of crazy persons. While in this state go around the house yelling, "EVERYBODY LIMBO!!" at the top of your lungs.
2. Buy a 12-gauge shotgun and empty rounds into the floor while jacking new cartridges into the chamber... remark upon the "neat noise" to you guests.
3. Place Measles Quarantine labels upon all the doors of your house. When questioned about them, deny that you have measles in your house. Deny it vociferously as if you were trying to hide something. Watch the fun!
4. Put Rohypnol (date rape drug) into the cola which you serve your guests. Once they are incapacitated and unconscious, dis-robe them and place their bodies in interesting poses and photograph them. When you guests recover consciousness, show them photos and black-mail them to stay away.
5.... and the last but certainly not least... Whenever one of your unwanted guests comes over be really friendly to them and mention that you do not get enough visitors ever since you were found to be H.I.V. positive... beg them to stay.
Good Luck,
Sincerely,
Doctor (whynotbuyaskunkforapet?) Seagull
To send a letter to The Doctor, come to www.radioparadise.com
# posted by Blogger User @ 9:01 AM 
