Saturday, November 05, 2005
The Queen Of Heaven... Again
Recently a gentle reader sent a letter about his new-found religion...
Dear Doctor,
Recently I have been seeing Virgin Mary following me all over the town and when I'm in church, she sits next to me
and whispers in my ear! What is happening? Should I take my clothes off just like she says?
Signed,
Confused and Confessed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Confused,
Now while The Doctor, as a man of science, doesn't feel qualified to pontificate on the nature of reality and phenomena of visions of the faithful per se, The Doctor needs to point out that most "visions" can be explained primarily to the ingestion of certain substances mostly available in nature.
Did you perhaps eat any moldy rye bread recently? Have you been snorting dried Broccoli powder again? Did you go to one of those "pick-up" bars and let a strange woman buy you a drink?
If not, then perhaps these visions need to be investigated thoroughly by the minions of the Church's Department of Miracle Investigation. Please submit a sample of your blood for chemical analysis immediately and then bend over and cough. The examination won't hurt a bit.
With any luck we will be able to canonize you within 100 years of your death and then your relatives can unearth your bones and make a fortune letting gullible people kiss them.
As with any answer The Doctor gives... Your results may vary.
Sincerely,
Doctor (Iseeittoo) Seagull
Dear Doctor,
Recently I have been seeing Virgin Mary following me all over the town and when I'm in church, she sits next to me
and whispers in my ear! What is happening? Should I take my clothes off just like she says?
Signed,
Confused and Confessed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Confused,
Now while The Doctor, as a man of science, doesn't feel qualified to pontificate on the nature of reality and phenomena of visions of the faithful per se, The Doctor needs to point out that most "visions" can be explained primarily to the ingestion of certain substances mostly available in nature.
Did you perhaps eat any moldy rye bread recently? Have you been snorting dried Broccoli powder again? Did you go to one of those "pick-up" bars and let a strange woman buy you a drink?
If not, then perhaps these visions need to be investigated thoroughly by the minions of the Church's Department of Miracle Investigation. Please submit a sample of your blood for chemical analysis immediately and then bend over and cough. The examination won't hurt a bit.
With any luck we will be able to canonize you within 100 years of your death and then your relatives can unearth your bones and make a fortune letting gullible people kiss them.
As with any answer The Doctor gives... Your results may vary.
Sincerely,
Doctor (Iseeittoo) Seagull
# posted by Blogger User @ 9:58 AM 
